One of the cooks at my job turned me on to Chance the Rapper a few years back and when I started listening to "Coloring Book" I felt so inspired. I would listen to the record beginning to end and over again. Chance's story is like many of ours, but he is able to become so vulnerable and honest with his lyrics that you really connect to everything the music is saying. You can begin to see yourself in him. For me, hearing Kirk Franklin on the record brought me back to middle school and pretending I was one of the background singers on "The Rebirth of Kirk Franklin". The homage to Chance gives to his community and upbringing, yet the ability to harness his power and preach such a positive message. I smile when I hear his music, because I know he's smiling when he's making it.
Part 2 is here!
Of course we had to do "Out of the Darkness" This song has such a special place in my heart for everything it represents and how many people it has touched. In this installment of LIVE AT THE BUSHWICK MANISON, you can see how awkward I really am and my "skills" with crowd participation. Enjoy!
I know you have waited too long for new music, live music...any music!! I'm so excited to start sharing this multi-part series from a house show I played about a month ago. With a little help from a lot of people I was able to perform in the apartment I have lived in for the past 2 years. I am so grateful for that space of creativity and support, that I felt like once I finally was moving on to a different home I had to give it the correct goodbye. Thank you to everyone who lent and ounce of talent and help...you are precious beings to me and I am forever indebted to you.
Here is part one of LIVE AT THE BUSHWICK MANSION: Love Being Loved
Talia Pollock is a real girl sharing her way to navigate the real world. Her message is "taking the HELL out of HEALTHY EATING" She always emphasizes the power of veggies and plant based foods. I love her approach to heathly eating because it allows you to live and enjoy good foods without feeling deprived! She has an incredible website with tools to promote a healthy lifestyle. Please if you have the time to discover her message, go check her out HERE!
Luckily for me, Talia has the same admiration for me and my message. She invited me to sit down with her for an episode of her podcast! We broke down my entire experience on the Biggest Loser as well as how I apply the lessons I've learned to my daily life over a year later.
Wow. I forgot to say so much in this video because I was just so overwhelmed. Thanks to Facebook for reminding me of such a momentous occasion. Im probably going to forget a lot right now as well since I have to be at work in an hour, but Ill try.
This year has be so tough. Mentally and physically. But almost every day I tried to keep in mind my goal and it has been the most rewarding commitment I have ever made. EVERY SINGLE DAY. (I feel like I type that a lot). I never realized the importance of consistency more than I do now as well as the fulfillment of hard work. I've said it before and I'll say it again, my weight loss was a secondary change to the change I made in my mind. I decided to change my life, and I decided that even when it was hard, it would be more rewarding to follow through on my word to myself. Some days are harder than others. Some days I still feel like poop even after I work out. These are just the ups and downs of life.
This year was filled with a lot more vegetables than I ever have eaten in my entire life. Also more water than ever imaginable. Running, Spin Classes, Hot Yoga, and the torturous weight lifting. Cherry Blossom 10-milers and Half-Marathons. Girls Night Out (GNO) with long nights of dancing in high heels. Traveling to Planet Fitness' and meeting incredible individuals helping change lives and the ones that are there to change their own. Break-ups and Make-ups. Learning that being a Bartender is an incredibly rewarding job. I am inspired by the people who are inspired by me.
I look forward to another year of self-discovery. The constant balance on implimenting structure in addition to enjoying life with food, friends, and fun. Always striving to be open and vulnerable but know that I am (most of the time) stronger than I think I am.
I forget to pat myself on the back a lot of the time...I think we all do. Its looked down upon to be so brave to say, "I AM PROUD OF WHAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED"
BUT LET ME BE BRAVE AN SAY< I WORKED MY ASS OFF THIS YEAR AND I AM PROUD OF WHAT I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just wanted to share a moment with you of vulnerability. There was no plan to do this post, as I just was reflecting the moment I opened my "Memories" on Facebook.
What a year it has been. Take a moment. Let keep it going...to another good year.
Lets get down to it: This is a really hard post for me to write.
Politics have never really been "my thing". I never understood a lot of the language and I felt stupid trying to to talk about it. As a young person, I never heard or really saw how policies effected me. I believed in the power of the people. Having the power to treat others the way we want to be treated; to include instead of divide. But over the past year it has become more and more apparent to me that maybe the world (and especially the country I call home) isn’t as loving as I thought it was.
Yes, I grew up in a comfortable middle class family. Yes, I grew up (unbeknownst to me at the time) with white privilege. Yes, I grew up in a very diverse area, which clouded my judgement of what I thought the rest of America looked like.
If anyone saw the SNL skit “Election Night”…all the white people were me
The president has been elected. Some say it is not their president. Some think he is the right man for the job (61 million to be exact)
I'm going to drop a bomb: I didn’t vote.
(At this point you can think that the rest of this post is just pointless. And part of me agrees with you. I also can use my skills of argument and say, “If I had voted, the state I am registered to vote in would have still turned blue, and Hillary would have still won by the popular vote”)
I have learned that this is my civic duty to not just use my voice when I see injustice, but when it is a responsibility.
During this first week of a new president I have learned one thing, though there is a man in office that doesn’t align with my stances on policies and even morals; I STILL HAVE A VOICE. WE STILL HAVE A VOICE. BUT THEY NEED TO BE HEARD.
“In order to align your life choices with your values, you will need to inquire about the effects of your actions (and inactions) on yourself and others. Although we are always stumbling upon new knowledge that shifts our choices and life direction, bringing conscious inquiry to life means that we continually ask questions that lead us to the information we need to make thoughtful decisions. Asking questions is liberating because we develop great understanding and discover more choices with our new knowledge.”
This is the road that will take more energy. More curiosity. This is where we can learn to listen to others and see where they are coming from. This is an opportunity to not just fight for our own rights but the rights of people that are not heard or seen or respected.
The Women’s March on Washington was a transformative experience for me. It was the beginning of being involved and educating myself to understand how this affects the world around me.
There is a lack of listening seated in the White House right now. I think there is lack of empathy in our world. I can fall into this category as well. I want to shut out anyone who has helped this administration become what it is. I want to beat myself because I didn’t vote and I “can’t complain.” But I also want to listen. I want to hear why. We should be having conversations. Maybe this could be one of the reasons why the election results happened the way they did. We easy dismiss what we don’t know and what we don’t understand…as easily as I dismissed politics because I didn’t understand. Learning is the greatest tool we have and learning about each other will give a broader idea of how our choices effect each other.
I went to the March to finally start using my voice because I’m realizing it IS important. But I also went to the march to listen and hear what people were fighting for: Women’s Rights, Healthcare, Black Lives Matter, Abortion Rights, Clean Water, Immigrants Rights (the list goes on and on): but these are all fights of inclusion and understanding. We need to hear people. We need to use our voices but also try to hear all the voices around us.
When we truly listen, we can begin to empathize. When we empathize, we can learn to think beyond ourselves when we make choices.
So as I have shared before, I am definitely good at procrastinating. I had the idea to post this right around the one year mark of my first day on The Biggest Loser Ranch, and reflect on the past year…but I'm about a month late…so bare with me.
I still wanted to share this post mostly to articulate how much I am continuing to grow and learn throughout this journey of weight-loss and self discovery. This past year has been difficult yet fulfilling and though its been tough, the work I have put into myself and sharing my story has been the most empowering thing I have ever done.
Its been hard to stay focused sometimes, and I have beat myself up about many things…but I also am learning to do that a little less and take care of myself mentally and emotionally just as much as I have learned to take care of my body physically.
This has not just been about “being skinny” this has been an awakening of pushing myself to be better, hold myself accountable, and live life more fearlessly than I ever have before.
In May I had a (very long) conversation with my friend Matt Kohn, creator of Different Hunger, about my weight-loss journey on and after The Biggest Loser. We spoke about many topics which will become a series I will be posting to my blog.
During Part 2 we discuss the power of Mindset to create successful change in one's life.
This topic is very significant to me lately because I have needed to remind myself how powerful my mindset is to my success. I have returned back to somewhat of a comfort zone, within my weight loss as well as my career. Re-watching this conversation, it shows me that to create more fulfillment in my life, reaching beyond my comfort zone can continue to create massive changes within me and propel me into a place that I never thought I could be. We are in charge of standing still as well as the ones who choose to move forward, and I want to see what's just beyond my reach, don't you?
I wanted to finally make a post of how I do my hair. You ask and you shall receive...
I have had a long struggle with a lot of things about my physical appearance growing up, one of them being my hair. I naturally have very thick, curly hair. It frustrated me when I was younger because I didn't understand how to tame it, or style it, or what exactly to do. Over my college years I began to finally embrace my curly locks and even epitomized them on my t-shirt (SOLD HERE) After much time rocking that style I wanted to experiment and try new things: welcome to the world of lots of heat and chemicals!! Lets say I was not so nice to my hair and very impatient (and cheap) when it came to dying and frying. I cut my own hair, I colored my own hair...even risking it falling out, but through it all I have found how fun it is to experiment.
So coming from the girl who used to cry to her mom about her curly hair that she didn't understand, when I started to get messages about my hair and beauty routine, lets just say I was a bit excited!! Though this is a very simple look that I have been doing for a while, its my go-to. This style adds a little wave and texture which makes it great because IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT! ;) See, life lessons can also happen when we are talking about hair.
Treat your hair kind and invest well! Experiment and try new things!
Fueled by his own doubts about how to become a successful 20-something, my friend Matt Kohn, began looking into the habits and actions taken by top performers. Unfulfilled by his own 9-5 job he decided to implement some of these to his life by packing up his apartment and moving to Medellin, Colombia. There he began following his passion to discover the differences between the dreamers and the "do-ers"
I was honored when he asked me to have a conversation about how I became so successful with my weight loss on The Biggest Loser and how that has changed my mindset for other aspects of my life as well. Below is the beginning of many videos exploring my journey and what I have learned.
This past week I somehow survived a week in a shared hotel room with my mother…as well as an insanely educational experience at The Biggest Loser Resort: Amelia Islands. Im so happy I got to experience this will my Mom. She is such an important pillar of strength for me, and challenging each other this week was an awesome opportunity to bond and learn more about one another.
Though we chat a little bit about our experience above, I wanted to share with you how much it changed my perspective on food, fitness, and my overall outlook on myself and my weight. As you may know, I have struggled with my relationship with food from a very young age; emotional eating, uneducated eating, and even disordered eating. Although I have always been a somewhat active person, I had a warped perception on how to control my weight, since there was so much emphasis in the media about exercise and weight loss. Yes, activity is an incredible way to condition your heart and great aspect of a healthy lifestyle, but food is most important..and the food part was what I was getting all wrong.
Losing 87 lbs was the first time in my life I successfully achieved a weight loss goal through diet and exercise…but then I had to maintain, a skill I had not yet acquired…something I wasn't sure I could be successful at. But luckily enough I was able to be put in a position where I could educate myself on how to keep the results I had worked so hard for. Here are a few little nuggets of information I took from the experience that you can apply to not only weight loss/weight management but TO YOUR LIFE:
(I am not a registered nutritionist and this is not professional advice. If you are seriously considering changing your lifestyle, please consult a medical professional)
DO IT WITH INTENTION
In food and in exercise, quality is everything. Food wise, I will take more time to look into what I am putting in my body, whether that be reading ingredients more often or listening to what my body needs and feeding it properly. I want my body to work at its highest ability and it can only do that if I give it the right fuel! In this same vein, workouts don't necessarily need to be long and torturous. Though I love a good long run, I can get the most of of my work outs by including weight training and implementing more rest days! At the end of the day, I think it is important to be educated about your choices…just like you do your research to buy a car (or any other significant purchase), know what you are putting inside your body.
2. LISTEN TO MARY WILLETT, “DRINK YOUR WATER!”
I don’t care who you are or what you are doing, you need water! You may not care about your weight and all of these words are crap to you…but guess what? YOU STILL NEED WATER! Hydration is important for all aspects of your body’s function. I know sugary drinks (or artificial sweetened drinks…yes I’m talking to the Diet Soda crowd) are so yummy and awesome, but they can wreck not only your weight management but your bodily functions. Water is important…period.
3. LOVE WHERE YOU ARE AT
Whether you are just starting something new or you are at a fork in the road, be proud of what you are doing and the choices you are making. We commonly get caught up in all the things we could be doing “if we only got to [fill in the blank]…” Looking towards future goals is awesome, but getting so blinded by the stress of what you have to do to get there, can ruin the journey. We all have insecurities about our bodies, our jobs, …um EVERYTHING….but if we want to change something we have to have the courage to implement changes and be proud of the fact that we are starting.
Other than these little tidbits, my mother and I got to share a deeply emotional and vulnerable experience with some incredible people. We laughed, we cried, we got really sore together. The group of men and women we met this week are some warriors: they are teachers, students, cancer survivors, Mothers & Fathers, joke-tellers, goof-balls, Costco addicts but above all, they are people taking time for themselves to change for the positive. Working on something they want to change. There also was a great group of passionate educators who gave us the space to grow, while pushing us enough out of our comfort zone to flourish.
To be honest, I really didn't know what to expect when I went to the the Biggest Loser Resort, but it made me better. While there I kept flashing back to when I was younger and at the doctors office, I was always outside the growth percentile chart. I remember every time I would go to a check up, all I wanted was to be normal and inside the lines. The information I learned about my body and where I am on my journey, made me realize, that even though now I “fit in lines” I always am gonna strive to be something more. I am always going to create more goals, and thats gonna keep me evolving. The Biggest Loser Resort put me back on a positive track. It was incredible, and it reminded me: I can be incredible too.
As I continue this journey of chronicling my life, I can't help but realize how I need to be a lot more open. As I began changing my life both physically and mentally I committed to the idea of being vulnerable. Though being vulnerable and exposed is hard at times I learn the most during these times.
As I assimilated back into the "real world" after my BL experience, I've started to lose the drive that was so passionate right after the finale. I struggle with the idea of having "figured out" my weight loss (and myself), because lets face it, I continue to struggle every single day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
One of those days was yesterday.
Over the course of the day I was just feeling very off and tired to get in a positive mindset. I worked, rode my bicycle through the beautiful city I live in, saw music on the streets of NYC, and hung with friends I hadn't seen in while. It was an incredible day. But as I've learned about myself, even beautiful days like these can be tormented by my brain's inability to turn off my worries: Where is my life going? How am I going to keep this weight off without overly obsessing about it? Do I love myself as much as I should? I struggle EVERY SINGLE DAY. I hope as I work towards committing to this blog, it helps me learn to deal and organize the more important worries from the things I can't change.
My life is moving in the direction I choose to move in. Every step matters. Even the steps I don't want to take.
Obsessing about my weight is a hard concept for me, but if I try to interweave healthy habits into my life, this can be not as difficult as I make it in my head.
Loving myself. Loving ourselves...is only as deep as we want it to be. We must allow ourselves to opening up to the concept that we are worthy of our own love. And that can fulfill us in such a bigger way than anyone else.
But other than these things, I struggled with someone I have hurt in this process of change. Their sadness and anger towards my actions has made me feel helpless. With all of this overwhelming me, I felt out of control...an emotion I hate to feel. Last night while I was out with my friends, trying to deal with all these feelings, I purged.
My eating disorder is still there. Though I struggle with the ideas in my head more often, and less of the actual act, having purged for the first time in a long time I feel ashamed and defeated. I woke up this morning and had breakfast with a best friend and opened up to her about the incident last night. Not hiding, facing it. Although I felt very disgusted with my actions towards my own body, I realized my shame is only what I make of it. Being open about this struggle will help me, and hopefully help others. I need to ask for help and lean on my trusted circle. I am grateful for these friends and family who are always there to support and love me, and help me find out how to love myself as well. But I can also be bare and exposed to those who have been inspired by me too.
I am not perfect. That is the beauty of this life. This creates an opportunity. My perspective to see that this does not make me a step behind, but a chance to initiate change. There is always something I can work on. I have to make me a priority and work on this. I hope my life is filled with love and joy from others towards me, but also these feelings towards myself and actions to support this belief.
I am looking to seek help and change this behavior. I am okay. I will be okay. But I have to be the priority right now. Me is important. You are important.
I never thought this would be part of my life. I never thought I would fall to the pressure. I was too proud. But that pride also made me hide. It make me show only the good things, not the demons. Please learn with me how to face the pride and open up about your struggles.
I never opened up, cause no one else did. It made me feel alone. Maybe it makes you feel alone. Please don't feel alone. or if you feel alone, be there with me. Im finding my way everyday. Im finding my way even when I've changed my life and I'm in a better place. I can still get caught up. I can still fall off track. But this is my time to realize quickly when I've gotten off track, be honest about it, and get back on the path I want to be. Once again, it is up to me to recommit...EVERY SINGLE DAY.
If you or someone you know struggles with an eating disorder you can find help and support through RECOVERY WARRIORS
I wanted to do this every week, and for an entire month I have been MIA.
I think I kept putting off this post because I was embarrassed that I didn't get this right the first time. I told myself I would do this once a week. I wanted to be successful at it, but as I am learning, we are only successful at the things we constantly are working at. This "work" I speak of includes the frequent failure, the difficult re commitment, the constant doubt, and the occasional successes.
I am someone that likes to get things right the first time (anyone with me?!) but having that expectation, I lose perspective and let myself down a lot because getting things right the first time RARELY HAPPENS!!!
When we are babies we don’t just pop out ready to run; we have to roll, and crawl, and try to walk..and then fall, and then try again…and when we finally have the fundamentals, we apply them. Now as adults, we don’t even think about it, we just get up and walk. We forget about the struggle because we are so far removed from it.
But this manifests in other ways.
Like my blog. I’m not good at blogging.
I don’t think I am a good writer sometimes, but I want to share what I’ve learned as best I can. I want to share what I’m learning as best I can. My goal is honesty. Honesty with myself and not excuses. (There is a fine line) Honestly, this is something that I didn’t get right the first time (expected) and I must work at it.
Giving myself these moments of full honesty propels me in a direction of change. I want to be better. The work will be hard, but I know it will be worth it. If I can apply the fundamentals, then maybe one day i will just do and not have to actively think about it.
One step at a time.
Every moment creates an opportunity to begin.
Just wanted to take a moment to talk about food.
I never really understood how import it was to fuel my body correctly, to listen to what it had to say, and to give it good healthy food to maintain where I am. In this day and age with "Sugar Free" this and "Low Fat" that, we sometimes forget that the simplest things are the best for us. I have learned to base most of my meals around vegetables, filling my plate and not feeling like I'm missing out. I used to ALWAYS get french fries as a side to EVERYTHING, it added about 500-700 calories to my plate without even thinking. I now love getting a salad or trying new veggies as a side. Yes, sometime I miss my french fries..and I'll have some here an there, but the fun of tasting amazing vegetables that I don't have to feel guilty about (be aware of how they are prepared when you are out though) makes me feel great about my choices. Now, let me tell you, I indulge sometimes and I indulge hard but to create balance I take out the guest work of most of my meals. I eat the same things a lot to create this mindful mindlessness. I find "go to's" that are healthy and easy and I use them when I would rather be mindless and grab a burger and fries. My life is crazy, and I'm sure yours is too, but you have to be prepared for the crazy. For me, that's Go Lean Crunch every morning to wake me up and start my day with something a little sweet, or bringing a protein bar in my bag if I need some fuel in the middle of the day.
Being aware and prepared is key.
This past Sunday I conquered the Credit Union Cherry Blossom 10 miler in Washington DC.
I was always inspired by my mother to run. She began her first couch to 5k program during my father's struggle with Pancreatic Cancer. She has always said it was a way for her to have something for herself while being the main caretaker for my Dad. Her running groups through Fleet Feet Gaithersburg has been a supportive community where I have seen her flourish after the passing of my Dad. She would continuously invite me to run and join races but I constantly denied her invitations because I would probably look like an idiot.
Something about me: I am a very prideful person. I don't like to look weak. Also, my mother and I have a competitive relationship...probably because as I grow older, I realize how similar we really are. Showing up to run with my mom and have a 50-something beat me was not the most ideal situation. She started running when she was in her 50's people!!! She committed! Even at one of the hardest times of her life; because she knew how important she had to make herself. Running kept her focused and on track. Running saved her emotionally from the loss of the love of her life.
When I began to run on the Biggest Loser Ranch it was inspired by my Mom. I wanted to be able to come home and build a stronger bond with her through running. I remember the first time I ran 3 miles, it was during the second week on the ranch, and it took me almost an hour. I felt so exhausted but at the same time accomplished. I began incorporating it into my daily routine and week by week built up my endurance and pace.
It began to be my sanctuary. The place where I could zone out and file through all my thoughts, my struggles, my strengths, and just be with the person I was becoming. Week after week I just kept running. The fitter I got the more capable I felt. The more committed I was, the better my times became.
This WAS NOT an overnight process. This IS NOT and overnight process.
So how did I do?
I look forward to my next run and my next race. One foot in front of the other.
p.s. I beat my Mom
I'm on a bus right now, going home for the weekend and I've been going through pictures and video of the last few months. I can't help but be proud of all that I have accomplished.
I have changed so much in the past 6 months. I have learned to keep moving forward; to do something everyday for myself, and to put me as the priority.
The other day I had to fill out a questionnaire and it asked me, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" ...a question like that would usually initiate a full fledged panic attack, but this time it didn't. My perspective has changed and I answered in the most honest way I knew how.
I don't know where I'll be in 5 years. All I hope is that I am somewhere different than I am now. I am focused on today and what I need to do for this day to make it a success.
Thinking about the future and the pressure of everything I don't know how to do is overwhelming. I let it overwhelm me in the past a lot. It impeded on making my "today's" successful. I am not worried (as much) about the future anymore because I am here in the present taking one task at a time and checking it off my list. And I can only hope that all those items checked will lead me to bigger tasks to check.
I am strong enough to not be pressured into an answer I don't know. I am strong enough to know what I do know is enough and what I will know is a discovery I will make when I am ready for it.
Here is a little video I just came across of my first performance of "Out of the Darkness" live at The Hotel Cafe the night after The Biggest Loser Finale. (My incredible brother James filmed it.. shout out to James!) It epitomizes the strength and joy that I have discovered in myself. (sorry that it cuts off before our team building exercise, but I guess we will just leave that as a special part of the night for those that stood in the room)
Thank you for being apart of my journey and watching me bloom. Remember to be patient enough to know you will make the discoveries when you are ready for them, and I am grateful to have had a moment like that.
I leave you with a moment of inspiration from this video:
"This is life right now! This is what we are doing! WE ARE ALIVE! We've got eyes, we've got brains, we've got hearts, WE'VE GOT BLOOD PUMPING!"
Wow. What a day, I don't feel like doing anything...even the blog I told myself I would start and stay committed to.
This week challenged me emotionally and had me questioning if I was ever going to be doing enough. I was hard on myself and it was easy to fall off the wagon. Feeling hopeless I wasn't holding myself accountable for choices and felt like days were flying by without really getting anything done.
I have to recommit to my new lifestyle everyday. It is hard to break old habits that were always part of my daily routine and stay in an aware mindset that will keep me on track.
Staying motivated when things get overwhelming can sometimes seem impossible. So, I went back and looked at how I have stayed motivated to help you. What I realized is a lot of the time I'm not motivated to start something, but I know how great I'm gonna feel when I finish it. This idea centers around scheduling. Making sure my life is scheduled in a way where I can follow through on my commitments, and show up even when I don't want to. You have to force yourself past the points of "I don't feel like it" because what you learn on the other side is going to be ground breaking. Sometimes you are gonna have to white knuckle it...just do it.
If you want it, you will.
To help you see what is possible, I created the #MotivationChallange this week. Doing one thing everyday for the next 7 days that will help you feel fulfilled! Tag me @erin_willett and show me what you are doing to stay motivated and committed even when you feel like you can't. I'll be right along with you to show you I'm staying motivated as well. Follow my Instagram and see what I'm up to this week!
Your mind is muscle, flex it this week. See what you can do when you think things aren't possible.
Here I go again on my own....
I have a camera propped on my dresser, in my room, and I'm letting you in. I have been asked endless questions about life and change on social media and this is my new way of expressing myself to you. Full disclosure: I had a mini panic attack about releasing my introduction to this series yesterday. As much as I am learning to live an honest life filled with happy thoughts and positive moments, I can't help but be human and worry what everyone is thinking of me.
Do I look stupid? Is this stupid? Is this just another worthless Idea?
Then I realize, it will only be "stupid" if I don't follow through. It will only be worthless if I don't put in the work and make it worth something. I am accountable for me. I can only control how I handle myself, and how I react to situations; how I view myself and what I do to be the best version of myself I can be. I also am the person in charge of deciding what "the best version of me" looks like, acts like, and what standards I hold myself to.
The biggest difference I see in myself now is I hold myself accountable. Just like a job that I have to show up to to get paid, I also have a job as Erin to carry out tasks during the day that make Erin better; working out, nourishing my body with whole foods, and following through with my commitments. I do not get "paid" in positive ways in my life if I don't do the work for myself.
Losing weight was one of the first real moments in my life that showed me what can happen if I persevere and hold myself accountable. Excuse my language, but every single fucking day, doing what I had to do to reach my goal. (at the time my goal was to stay on The Biggest Loser Ranch as long as I possibly could. I wanted to take as many tools into my day to day life about food, exercise, and me) But coming home was tough. I wasn't living in a bubble anymore where temptations were just talked about on challenges. THEY WERE REAL. And they were in front of my face when I walked down the street, when I ran errands, and even just going to the mall. I run into them everyday, every hour, every second. But I have to remember in those moments what my new goal is: to be the best version of me I can be.
These temptations don't just come in food form, they come in commitment form as well. I have plans to head to a spin class or have time carved out to work on music and a friend hits me up to take the day and frolic in the city. It seems so much easier to push my commitments to myself aside and be spontaneous. And moments like these are probably more of what I struggle with. Because working for myself is a 24/7 job, and sometimes the commitments I make to myself are easily excusable because I am the boss and the employee. But if the boss isn't making money, you might as well be an intern. What I'm trying to say is that I have the responsibility to hold myself to my own standards. I have to say, "im sorry, I can't" to a friend, because I have a commitment to another friend...myself. I have to be whole before I try to give anything to anyone. And yes, sometimes things work out and I can conduct my "Erin Appointments" and still have time to frolic in the city with a friend. Finding the balance is key. I am basically learning to right a bike again for the first time. Its about thinking about everything but worrying about nothing at the same time. It doesn't even make sense. But all of these things are up to me: how overwhelming...but truly how cool. This is all up to me. What am I going to do for myself today to be better? What am I going to do today to make myself feel more whole?
What will I decide I need to be today? Someone who is going to skip the sugar and take a hot yoga class and write a blog. And that person is different some days. Sometimes that person is going to have a small cup of ice cream because its the best in the city and I'm going to share it with my boyfriend. But I am in control once again, to find that balance.
Yesterday I was out of balance, and out of wack, worried about what people would think.
People think all the time.
I don't know what they think and never will, so why am I truly worried? Because its easier to worry about them, then focus on myself. Its easier to distract myself with the things I can't control, then give myself the responsibility and full time job to be the best Erin. Erin needs the best employee, and I am her. Erin needs to be the best boss, and you guessed it...I am her as well. I wont get paid with cash money like my bartending gig. (Yes, I work as a bartender and I live with 5 roommates, my life isn't glamorous...more on that some other time) I will get paid in a long, fulfilling life, because I put in the work.
I am worth that. My life is up to me, and I am as valuable as I want to be.
So I start this journey with you. Here I am with a camera and my thoughts: The stuff I do, the things I like, the moments I struggle with.
My life runs on self expression. I am a goofball, a class clown, an entertainer and an artist. I have used these words to describe who I am. But I have found recently after a big change in my life (losing weight and changing my mind set) that I must put these things into action or else these ways I describe myself are nothing more than words. I want to be a do-er.
I have proven to myself, black and white, that things are possible when I stop making excuses and I just do. Sometimes I don't see the results right away, and that can be frustrating...but it also sometimes just feels good knowing I am truly doing my best to execute the life I want to live.
Through my experience on The Voice and now most recently The Biggest Loser I have inspired people. It blows my mind that people can look up to me, because I, like you, struggle to figure this life out everyday. This is maybe why you connect with me...because I am accessible, I am real...just like you.
So for you and for me, I have decided to finally do something I have wanted to do but continued to make excuses about.
I am going to blog/vlog...share my tools, experiences, "things I like" with you. I am just another person sharing the same shit, but maybe I am a little different and we understand each other a little bit more. Maybe we "speak the same language" and I can help. Maybe I just want to have something I do as a hobby and if no one watches it, its all good cause I'm just having fun recording myself in my bedroom. (that sounded weird...) I have never been the best writer, but my feelings are real which make them valid. I will try to get them out as best I can. I also will be posting videos and staying as consistent as I possible can. Holding myself accountable has been a huge part of this life changing process, and I feel like this is a great way to continue to do that every week.
Anyway, this is my "I'm preparing you for this and I hope you keep an eye out cause its coming" Also, you can comment down below, and if you have an questions or ideas, let me know. I want to know how you are feeling since I have been sharing all of my feelings on reality TV. ( i know, there have been a lot of feelings) You can come check out my blog here on my website every week. I will create posts about products I use, how to deal with real world situations, music I'm listening to...blah blah blah LOTS AND LOTS OF IDEASSSSS
I hope this means a lot to you. I'm proud of myself for putting one foot in front of the other and facing my fears. And if you think this is stupid...cool...but don't come up to me in public and tell me it's stupid, that would just hurt my feelings. Just kidding...do what you want, but buy me a drink afterward. ;)
Here is my promise to you and myself...to be an open book. to be a do-er and share more of myself than ever before.